


Angst Month 2018

by God217



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 09:23:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 13,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16573898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/God217/pseuds/God217
Summary: 30 Day Angst Challenge, one fic per day throughout OctoberAdmittedly, some are a little late, but it's 30 fics nonetheless ~The purest angst, Mystic Messenger style! Admittedly, about half of these are Saeran centered, because angst





	1. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Jumin

He's felt grief before. He thought he knew it.

He's felt grief when he lost his mother, though she didn't die, it's unlikely he'll see her again. It's unlikely she wants him to.

He's felt grief whenever he lost someone he thought might replace her, although he's given up on that idea many years ago. None of his father's so-called lovers will ever stay.

Of course, he's felt grief more than ever when Rika died, regardless of his feelings for her, she was important to him. He's felt bad for his friend, for everyone, but though he never showed it, of course it hurt him too.

It ripped a hole inside of him, in a place he'd thought no one could get to.

He promised himself to never trust anyone, not let anybody close enough to hurt him, yet Rika had effortlessly moved past his walls and tore them down.

She'd been different. She'd been his friend.

Then she'd died.

And she'd left an empty space that he could never fill, more tangled threads that cut off his air, yet he'd had no choice but to move on.

He's felt grief before, and he thought he knew it.

But nothing could've ever prepared him for this.

Nothing in his life could've prepared him for that moment he walked into the huge building, the eerie room, and saw Rika kneeling on the floor and wailing.

Rika, the friend he'd thought was dead.

And he could've never been prepared for finding his best, his only friend, down on the ground, in a puddle of blood.

He'd never said goodbye.

He hadn't known he needed to.

It didn't feel real, that one day they'd talk on the messenger, and the next day, he was gone.

Just like that.

He's seen his dead body.

He's been the one who ordered him to be brought to a hospital, and he's been the first to be told it was too late.

Yet he still can't believe that Jihyun is really gone.

He's standing by his grave, and still he's half expecting him to call him any moment.

Tell him he got it wrong.

Tell him he made a mistake for once in his life.

He couldn't be happier to have made a mistake.

But it's not a misunderstanding.

Jihyun is dead.

Rika may be alive, but she's not the same. The Rika he knew is gone too.

It's just him now.

He's always felt alone, but now he truly is.

He's all alone, and nobody will return and change it.

And nobody will care. They didn't even ask him if he was alright. They just expect him to handle it.

Because that's what he always does.

He keeps it to himself, buries everything deep in his mind where it won't torment anyone but himself.

He looks just fine to them.

He's their leader now, and he needs to take responsibility. And nobody cares that he's lost his only friend.

Nobody will even notice. But that's just how it's always been.

The only person who ever understood him is dead.

And suddenly 'grief' has a whole new meaning.


	2. Mind Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Rika

People from the outside shun her methods, she's always known they would. They don't understand what she's doing, they refuse to even listen to any explanation.

Without giving her a chance, they label it as brainwashing. Mind control.

She's not controlling them.

She's leading them.

Her Believers are like children to her. She'd never harm them.

Well, she'd never harm them in a bad way. Sometimes pain is simply necessary.

They need to suffer in order to embrace greatness.

How would they recognize salvation if they'd never been to the abyss?

Perhaps the procedure does hurt, but the results are worth it. She's always done it for them, not herself.

She will lead them all to paradise.

But first, one must pay for all their sins.

First, one must go to hell. And then they will be saved.

Not a single Believer has complained to her.

Not a single one tried to leave.

They love her, like she loves them. And she's opened their eyes to the truth.

It's not her who's wrong.

It's the outside world, trying to force its horror on them all.

And it's V, whose light almost destroyed her.

But she did not burn. She didn't fade.

She rose up from the ground, embraced her darkness.

Now she's become strong.

And they all will be strong too.

She's not controlling them.

She's simply guiding them on the right path.

The one she found.

There will be no pain so long as they comply.


	3. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeyoung

Betrayal doesn't even begin to describe it.

He looks at his brother, curled up in a hospital bed and shivering, and betrayal doesn't even come close.

How could this happen?

How could he ever let this happen?!

He's trusted V to protect him, to take care of him while he did his job. And he's always done it well. He's the best hacker there is, but apparently all those years he's spent working for the agency were pointless.

Saeran's never been safe.

He was never happy, not even for a day.

He's trusted V with the most precious thing he had, with his only brother.

And not only has he lost him, let him be turned into what he is now.

He's never said a word.

No, he's watched him slave away all those days, work endlessly because he thought he was doing it for Saeran. He's just watched him and pretended it was fine.

Saeran has been suffering this entire time, and if he'd only known he could've saved him.

But he's trusted V.

And now because of that, the brother he's spent all those years trying to protect has spent his entire life in darkness, worse even than his own.

He hates him, and he deserves it.

It'd be a miracle if he'd ever be truly okay.

He's broken.

They both are.

And V could've stopped it all from happening, but he chose to simply watch.

To lie.

It's not all V's fault, of course. He's not the one who did all those things.

But he's the one who hid them.

Saeran calls him a traitor, but he's not the one who betrayed him.

V is.

V betrayed them both.

He would've died for that man, without a question.

On so many occasions, he almost did.

But he's always thought he felt the same.

And now he's finally with his brother again, and it doesn't seem like either of them will ever be happy.

All those years ago when they were children, why couldn't V just take them both somewhere safe?

Why did it have to come to all this?

He's been nothing but loyal all of his life, loyal to a fault.

He even trusted him when he seemed suspicious.

Seems like V's not the one who's really been blind.

Come what may, nobody will ever touch his brother again.

And especially not the man who promised to protect him.

Promised to protect him and let everyone down.


	4. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeran

One of the things he hates to admit out loud, or even to himself: he's always been jealous of his brother.

How could he not be?

Maybe as a child, he was okay with it. He knew Saeyoung was stronger than him, but he didn't mind, because he also knew that he'd protect him. They were brothers after all.

But then Saeyoung had left, and though years have passed and they've long been reunited, things won't ever be like that again.

Not really.

Saeyoung had always been the stronger one.

Their mother had sent him on errands, allowed him out of the house, while Saeran had spent his childhood tied up in his bedroom or locked into a closet. He'd always been meek and sickly, and more timid.

Saeyoung had been brave.

And smart.

And after he'd left, Saeyoung had been the one to become an irreplacable hacker, the best there was. And he'd been the one to have friends, a new family.

A better family.

Saeran had learned how to hack himself of course, but he'd only ever mimicked his brother. They may be equals in that now, but are they really?

He's nothing but a poor copy.

And now that they're together again, it's only worse.

Now he doesn't watch Saeyoung from a distance, over a screen.

They live together. He has to see him with his own eyes.

Despite them being born identical, Saeyoung is taller than him. After years with the agency he also has more muscle, despite his diet.

Saeran is still weak, and far too thin, underweight no matter what he does, although admittedly he doesn't feel like eating very often.

That's another thing.

Saeyoung is bright and cheery, and he makes people laugh. Saeran on the other hand has no idea how to talk to people.

And he knows the RFA only tolerates him because of his brother. He can tell they're practically walking on eggshells around him.

Saeyoung is their friend.

Saeran is his weird brother, the mental case.

He can't really blame them for that one.

He did pull the trigger on their friend. He can't expect them to like him.

Still, that doesn't exactly help him feel better.

And neither does having to see Saeyoung every day, with her.

The girl he'd chosen for himself, who's fallen for his twin instead.

She probably doesn't know. And it's probably better that way.

She's happy, and he wouldn't want to ruin that. He'd never be able to make her happy like that anyway.

Not him.

Not after what he's done.

He and Saeyoung may have been identical at birth, but his brother has always been better. He's smarter, funnier, more handsome.

Saeran is just weak.

He's always been, even when he pretended otherwise.

And sometimes he still thinks he hates his twin, but that's not the truth.

He doesn't hate him.

He's jealous.

Saeyoung has all the things he's ever dreamed of, all the things he'll never have.

And he doesn't even know.

Neither of them notice how he feels.

And there's no way he'd tell them.

He's not all that pathetic.

Or maybe he is, but at least he won't say so.

He doesn't want them to feel sorry for him.

He just can't help but wish he had at least one thing Saeyoung hadn't.


	5. Cursed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeran

Though he's not sure he believes in supernatural things, could it be he's been cursed at birth?

If such a thing as a curse truly exists, then he must've been.

After all, how else to explain?

All of his life has been darkness and pain, every minute of it since the moment he breathed his first breath. If only he'd never come to life in the first place.

All of his memories are suffering.

All of his nightmares are real.

His mother may be dead, but some invisible part of her still haunts his mind, he can still hear her voice in his dreams.

Sometimes he hears it in his mind while he's awake, and it scares him, despite knowing she can't hurt him.

She can't hurt him anymore, yet she does.

His savior keeps him safe now, but he has a price to pay. He owes her now.

And he chose that. He's alright with that.

Yet the lack of sleep is taking a toll on him, his headaches become more frequent, almost permanent.

He's suffering, but then again, suffering is all he's ever known.

It's what he's been born to do. He can't do anything else.

It's fine as long as it's him.

But what he dreads the most is Saeran.

The other him, the dark side of his self. The one everyone fears.

The one his savior loves.

Sometimes when he has weak thoughts he can't help but consider giving in, just letting him win and take over.

But he'd hurt so many people.

Saeran is cruel, and unforgiving.

And Ray may be meek and timid, but he doesn't want to be a monster. He still doesn't want to be bad.

Because maybe he's been cursed at birth, and this world is a horrible place he'll never belong in. And maybe every person he'll ever meet will only hurt and betray him, because that's what people do, and there are no exceptions.

Yet Ray doesn't want to be like that.

He doesn't want to be like them.

He wants to be good, even if no one else will be.

But it's not his choice.

He's cursed.

And it's not up to him.

The world is a horrible place, and his entire life consists of only darkness and pain.

And if he was born to become a monster...

A monster is what he'll be.

Sooner or later it'll overtake him, whether he wants it or not.

It's just a matter of time.

It's a curse.


	6. Unrequited Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeyoung (and MC)
> 
> Reset theory ayyy

And every time he sees her, his heart still stops.

Always has.

Always will.

She's beautiful, the most beautiful being to have ever existed. Like an angel, no, more than that.

It's not her face that makes his heart stop, not her body. Though those do too.

But it's her soul he's fallen for.

He's fallen for her at the very beginning, and he's loved her ever since, more than he's ever loved a human being.

If he could just quietly sit beside her, look at the stars together, do nothing at all... that'd be the happiest moment of his life.

But he can't.

He can't, because he's a secret agent, and his life is far too dangerous to get her involved.

And he can't, because even if he could, she isn't his.

She'll never be his.

He loves her with all he has, and he's certain he will love her forever.

But she doesn't love him.

Instead of him, she loves...

She loves everyone. One by one.

Yoosung, Zen, Jaehee, Jumin. He's watched her fall for them all.

He's watched her fall for V, and even Rika.

She even fell for his own brother, which hurt the most. Of course he wants Saeran to be happy.

He wants Saeran happy, and he wants her happy too.

But damn, it hurts so much.

She chose everyone.

Loved everyone.

She made everyone happy.

All except for him.

What is it about him she dislikes? Why would she try for everyone else?

He'd even be fine if she chose him and then moved on, like she does with the others.

It'd still hurt, but at least she would've tried.

But she doesn't seem to want him at all, not even for a week.

Does she know he's the only one who'll remember?

He doubts that she does. But he's pretty sure she knows what she's doing herself.

She can remember them all.

And she loved them all the same, except for him.

The others all love her too, he can tell. They don't hide it very well.

But all of them, they'll eventually move on.

He will not.

Maybe it's because he knows. Maybe he's got some connection to her, something they had long before they met.

Maybe they're soulmates even.

But then why doesn't she like him?

It's not fair.

At least this way she's safe though.

She'll be safe with all the others.

Safe from his life.

He'd only put her in danger, so it's probably for the best. And maybe she even knows that.

Maybe she's just smart.

And that's why he never tells her, he lets her choose all the others and watches in silence, pretends to be alright like he always does.

He doesn't tell her how much he loves her.

It'd only make things worse.

She doesn't return his feelings. This way at least they're friends.

This way at least one of them can be happy.

He's glad that one is her.


	7. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Saeran and Saeyoung
> 
> Based on that time when it took Seven a moment to realize who that white haired edgelord was

He didn't even recognize him.

It filled Saeran with hatred and rage even more, the moment when he finally faced his brother all those years.

Saeyoung didn't even know who he was.

He didn't even remember him.

He'd known that he didn't want him anymore, of course. He'd left him behind in that horrible place, abandoned him with their mother.

He'd been all alone with her, for so many years.

And Saeyoung had never returned.

He'd never even said goodbye. Never given him a reason.

Just left.

Left and started over, made himself a better life, a life in which he did not have a miserable weakling for a twin.

And he'd just forgotten all about him.

Oh, if only it were that easy for them both. If only Saeran could simply forget too.

But he can't.

He remembers his brother every day, sees his face before he falls asleep and when he wakes, and they're together in his dreams.

If only he were dead, then he could move on.

He's spent countless hours fantasizing about torturing him in the most various ways, making him beg for forgiveness and for mercy.

Making him regret.

He will regret. He will pay.

One day he'll kill him.

Maybe he should keep him alive, just barely. But then the nightmares would never stop.

And to find out he's spent years hung up on his betrayal, his hatred...

And Saeyoung simply forgot him.

Like he never even mattered to him at all.

He can see the look of realization on his face, way too late, when apparently the redhead finally does remember he used to have a twin.

He can see his face fall.

Happy to see me too, brother?

That's right, I'm still here. Thought you'd gotten rid of me, did you?

Well, Saeyoung may have forgotten him, but Saeran is still alive.

And now finally he can make his fantasies reality.

Now, that dear brother of his will pay.

Now he will finally find closure.


	8. Terminal Disease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: V
> 
> Remember that time V briefly tried to tell Jumin he had cancer? Ofc Jumin immediately knew he was lying but when I played that VN for the first time ever I did have those few seconds where I wasn't sure if it was true or not.
> 
> So what if V had been telling the truth?

It's ironic, isn't it?

After all the things he's done, all the mistakes he's made...

In the end what'll take him is something so common, almost boring compared to the rest of his life.

Whenever he's thought about how he might go one day, a thought he's admittedly had more often than he'd like to admit, well, there were so many options.

Rika might've killed him one day. He would've let her, if she'd really wanted to.

He wouldn't have tried to stop her.

Couldn't have.

After she's blinded his eyes, he wouldn't even have been too surprised.

Maybe she could've stabbed him. Or shot him.

Or overdosed him on the elixir.

But she didn't.

One of her Believers might've done it too, either by her orders or against them, who knows.

But they didn't either.

Heck, perhaps one day someone could've kidnapped him too. His father is rich, so is his best friend. He himself isn't poor either.

He could've died by some stranger's hands as well.

And, he has to confess, suicide had been starting to sound like a possibility as well, though he's never gone far enough to ponder the details of it.

He might've though. One day.

But that's not what will happen now.

None of those will happen.

The cause of his death will be much, much simpler.

Cancer.

Who'd have thought, right? How likely was it that it'd be him?

He'd never even considered a natural cause of death.

Things like that didn't happen to him, they happened to other people far away. People he'll only hear about on the news, at most.

Not him.

Then again, his ex-fiancee started a cult. That probably wasn't as likely either.

Still it feels more real to him.

It's kind of funny. Is this god's way of punishing him?

Saying he should've tried harder?

He tried.

He failed everyone, every time, but he tried.

And now he'll have to leave them behind.

Leave them alone and fix his mistakes.

Because it's too late, no amount of money can fix him.

And now, after all the wrong he's done, all the lies he's told and unspeakable pain he's responsible for...

All he can do is say goodbye.


	9. Neglected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeran
> 
> Warning: Suicidal thoughts

Would he have turned out differently, if anyone had cared?

Even just a tiny bit?

If his mother hadn’t screamed at him every day, hadn’t taught him to fear, perhaps he’d be less timid.

If she’d given him love rather than pain, perhaps he’d know how it felt.

How would his life have been if Saeyoung had never left, if he’d stayed with him and protected him like he’d always promised he would?

Would he still know how to trust?

And if V hadn’t forgotten about him, if Rika hadn’t stolen him, stolen his life…

What kind of person would he be?

He’ll probably never know.

Because all those things did happen, and none of those people have cared.

It didn’t bother anyone that they were breaking him.

On purpose.

He’s afraid, he’s always afraid. Even though now he’s grown stronger, he still feels weak no matter what.

Useless, inadequate.

Just like his mother always told him he was.

Even though Saeyoung is with him now, there is still that part of him that doesn’t believe it, expects him to just disappear one day.

Just like when they were young.

How would he know if he really loves him after all?

No one’s ever loved him. He wouldn’t recognize it.

How does he know he isn’t lying?

How does he know he won’t abandon him again?

He doesn’t.

Can’t.

No one’s ever cared for him, nobody wanted him, so why would things be different now?

They didn’t want him when he was whole.

Why would they want him now that he’s broken?

He knows he’s too far gone, can’t ever be fixed. Regardless of what Saeyoung says, he knows he won’t be okay.

He’s never been okay. That’s another feeling he wouldn’t even recognize.

They can’t just neglect him all his life and then expect him to be fine.

What did they think would happen?

Rika was lying about paradise and the talk about salvation, but she was right about one thing.

The outside world, the people in it, they’re awful.

The Mint Eye wasn’t better, admittedly.

But the world still disgusts him.

He doesn’t have a place in it.

He never had.

Everyone in his life has neglected him ever since he was born, yet now they expect him to somehow care about them.

And, honestly?

He doesn’t.

So what if he hurts their feelings?

What if he makes them cry?

They’ve done it to him so many times, it’d only be fair.

Perhaps if he did they’d finally regret.

Perhaps they’d feel bad.

At least that way others wouldn’t suffer the same fate he did.

But nobody’s ever cared for him while he was alive, so why would it matter if he died?

Most likely they’d just shrug it off.

He would leave nothing behind anyway, nothing but all of the people he’s been made to hurt.

And he doubts those would be sad.

Not for him.

The world is a horrible place, a place he’s never belonged into, and never wants to belong to either.

The world would be better off without him.

And he’d be better off without the world.

The only one begging him to stay is Saeyoung, and it does cause him to hesitate a bit.

But he’s begged Saeyoung for the same once.

Perhaps it’s time for him to be the stronger one.

And neglect someone else just once.


	10. Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Rika
> 
> Loosely based on an idea I've had for way over a year inspired by the song "I will be there" from the Count of Monte Cristo
> 
> The prompt fit so after all this time I finally wrote it out

It was at his funeral.

She stood on her own, away from the others, not ready to face them yet.

They didn’t look at her either. Only Yoosung bothered to try, but she didn’t feel like speaking.

There was no point anymore.

There was no use if he was gone.

But then the clouds moved to the side.

And they revealed the sun, shining down at her.

And she suddenly realized that he wasn’t gone at all.

He was dead. She’d seen him die in front of her, heard his last words.

But he was still there.

V had always told her they were soulmates, two souls that had fallen for each other in heaven, and come down to the world to be together.

And while his body may be gone, his soul still remained.

In that moment, as she looked up at the sun, she understood.

It was him.

He was the sun.

V was still there, even if they couldn’t touch.

He was still by her side.

As long as there was a sun, he would always be with her. She would never be alone.

He was there in the sunlight, and in the wind caressing her face.

He was there in all the things he’d used to photograph, in the sky and the clouds, in the soft swaying of the grass.

He loved her.

He’d loved her long before they had lived, and he’d love her forever after.

And one day she too would die, and they could be reborn again.

Try to do better.

Perhaps in another lifetime, there’d be a paradise for them both.

For now, she’d remain with his ghost.


	11. Forbidden Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Vanderwood and Yejin/Cassy (OC)
> 
> Featuring Cassy because this is still my fave forbidden ship fight me

Love was never something they could have, relationships never even remotely possible.

It was too dangerous, far too risky. Not worth it.

They'd never been one to break rules, especially not if it endangered their life.

They'd always been loyal.

And yet they found themselves longing for the days when they'd see her again, visiting their partner's house more often than necessary. Pretended to check on him, when really, they were looking for her.

The best moments of their life, without exaggeration, were the ones spent with her. Whether they were arguing, teasing, or actually just talking, every second was cherished.

They'd never been interested in romance. Suddenly it had become important.

All their life they'd hated seeing couples being all mushy and sickly sweet. Now they understood.

They were missing what they'd never had, could never have.

And god, it tore them apart.

When they eventually kissed her for the first time, their entire world shattered for good, the last miserable shred of resistance gone, too lost in the feeling of her lips on theirs, her green eyes behind those horrid glasses that somehow made her whole.

It was the best feeling they'd ever had, their heart stopping yet beating out of their chest at the same time.

It was also the worst.

They'd lost, messed up for good, at something they'd never thought they could fail.

They'd always thought they were strong.

That nobody could ever come between them and their work.

But she had.

She'd torn down their walls as if they'd never been there in the first place, found her way into their life as if it had been no effort at all.

And they wanted it so bad, to just be with her.

Run away together, start over.

Yet they also knew it was impossible, they'd promised themselves to never fall in love in the first place for a reason.

They couldn't be with her, because she was their weakness.

And if anyone found out...

She was too important to them.

It wasn't her fault they were weak.

She didn't deserve to die.


	12. Forced Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeyoung

He didn’t have a choice.

He’d never had a choice, otherwise he never would’ve chosen this!

…right?

There hadn’t been any other option.

Truthfully, Saeyoung did make the choice to leave. He decided to leave his brother behind, to become an agent.

But it had been his best option, his only option that he’d thought would guarantee Saeran’s safety.

He’d been wrong about that of course, so horribly wrong, but he couldn’t have known. If he’d had any idea things would turn out the way they had, he-

What would he have done, exactly?

He hadn’t had another choice, right?

If he’d stayed behind with Saeran, they’d have been abused by their mother forever, and if they’d run away, their father might’ve found them.

Might’ve…

Might’ve not.

If he’d stayed then maybe one day they’d have found another way out. Run away together when their mother was asleep, or maybe one day she’d have drunk herself to death and left them in peace.

He doesn’t remember having a choice, but looking back now…

He could’ve waited.

He should’ve waited.

But back then, any day had felt like an eternity, and both their future had seemed so hopeless to him that he hadn’t believed there was another way.

He’d left because neither him nor Saeran could’ve stood another day in that house.

He’d had no idea his brother had stayed behind on his own for all those years.

Or that he’d been forced into that awful place…

V had always told him he was safe, made him believe he was doing the right thing.

He’d lied to him all his life, from the day they’d first met.

It was his fault.

Saeyoung had never wanted to leave his brother. Every fiber of his being had urged him against it, but he’d done it anyway because V had convinced him to.

Saeran might hate him now, but it’s not his fault, it’s never been.

V and Rika were the ones who took him away.

They’re the ones who forced them apart.

But he’d only realized it too many years too late.


	13. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeran
> 
> Warning: Death mention

Do you believe in karma?

I don’t know if I do. I must’ve done much wrong if it’s real.

You better hope it isn’t though. Because if karma exists, you’ll be paying really soon.

After all you’ve done to me?

You’ll be lucky if it keeps you alive.

No.

You’ll be lucky if /I/ keep you alive.

I don’t care if karma is real or not. I’ve already decided, and you will pay no matter what.

Oh, but do I want you dead?

Sometimes I think I do, because I want the voices to stop, and they won’t leave me alone while you live. But, hmm…

Perhaps you should stay alive. Just barely, of course.

Death sounds so blissful and quiet, the moment when you leave the world and all of the pain finally stops.

That’s not a punishment. That’s a reward.

You don’t deserve to be rewarded with death.

No, I don’t wish you to die.

I wish you’ll live forever, the most horrible life possible.

Live a life just like mine.

A life where those you think you can trust will abandon you without a word, where everyone you love hates you.

I hope you live a life full of pain.

And then maybe one day you will regret.

You’ll think back and you’ll miss me, you’ll wish you’d have never left, that you could get me back.

But then it will be too late, far, far too late. Because you’ll be alive, and I will be long gone.

I will be in paradise, because that’s where I will go. As much as I’ve struggled, everything will be better once I’ve played my part, once I can finally die.

I’ll be in paradise.

You’ll live in hell.

And maybe I’ll look back at you and watch you, and I swear I will enjoy it.

I will laugh at your pain, just like you laugh at mine now.

And I’ll hold out my hand to save you, but just as you reach for it I’ll pull it back and laugh even more.

Because that’s what you did to me.

That’s what you deserve now.

Dearest brother, I hope you never die.

Just stay here in hell forever.


	14. Hear Our Prayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeran/Ray
> 
> It was literally impossible not to write something Mint Eye related for this prompt

_“I solemnly swear upon all my wounds_   
_To love and protect our savior.”_

He’s loyal. Doubtlessly loyal.

He never hesitates when she gives him an order, and he works the hardest of all.

He’s the strongest.

He’s her favorite.

And she knows he’d never betray her, not because he’s taken the vow, but because he’d never betray anyone.

And especially not her.

She saved him.

Saved him from his horrible mother, given him a purpose, and showed him the path to true paradise.

He owes her far more than in any lifetime he could pay her back.

But though he may be her favorite, that does not make him the only one.

The number of Believers at Magenta keeps increasing, and she has saved them all.

If things go well, maybe one day, she will save the world.

Not everyone deserves salvation, of course. And not everyone can understand it.

Many refuse, but she told him not to blame them.

They’ve been tainted by the outside world.

Yet she won’t give them up.

No, his savior would never abandon them. She cares.

For many, she’s the first person to have ever cared for them at all.

Few of the residents have ever experienced true love, but their savior has enough to share with them all. She is the first to love them.

Like a mother, she nurtures everyone at the Mint Eye.

She gives everyone a purpose, lets them all be useful, and shows them to eternal paradise.

With her, they will be so safe and warm, always.

They are safe, and they are free.

Because the rest of the world can’t hurt them here.

Magenta is their home, their own place.

A place where everyone is happy.

One day, he will be too. She promised him.

She’d never lie.

He can’t wait for the day when all his pain will finally cease, when he’ll finally be enough to deserve paradise.

It’ll surely be soon.

If he can serve her forever, he will already be content.

Because the outside world may have hurt him, hurt them all; they’ve been lost, outcast and abandoned, but their savior has found them.

No matter what happened in his past, now his savior is all he needs.

No matter what he wished for when he was young, he’s grown wiser.

And all of his prayers are for the Mint Eye.


	15. Helplessness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Yoosung
> 
> Halfway through writing this I had a realization and now I lowkey resent V too to a degree (he's still precious tho but dude you fucked up)
> 
> Warning: Suicide mention

He’s never felt as helpless as he did after she died.

The moment he was told his entire world came crashing down, he couldn’t believe it, refused to accept it, yet somehow he still knew it was true.

Rika was gone, and she would never come back.

Was it his fault?

Had he not been enough?

What reason did she have to kill herself? He’d always thought she’d been happy.

He’d thought V was good to her.

Was he not?

After all, he barely even seemed distraught. He didn’t cry, he didn’t mind talking about it, except he did not.

Didn’t really.

Whenever Yoosung tried to find out what had happened, anything that’d at least explain a little bit, the teal haired man simply shut him out, changed the subject.

V was the only one who knew.

And V wouldn’t speak to him, or to anyone else.

He’d always wanted to find out. If Rika really was dead, why she’d done it.

Who to blame.

There had to be someone to blame, right? People didn’t just commit suicide for no reason.

If V wouldn’t tell him, he had no choice but to believe it was him, even if it didn’t make sense, he’d thought he loved her.

He’d been the only one who’d supposedly seen her jump, and no body had ever been found. He had to be hiding something, right?

An endless amount of possible theories ran through his mind, anything he could come up with. Maybe V had killed her and buried her body in the woods, maybe he even kept it around in secret like some psychopath. Or perhaps Rika was still alive, rotting away in some basement.

Maybe she’d run away and changed her name, and couldn’t return. Or what if she’d been abducted by a cult and now lived far, far away in a huge creepy castle, and V was covering for her?

Admittedly, not all of his ideas actually made sense.

But he had to do something, right? He couldn’t just accept this.

Not without proof.

If he had proof, he could move on, even if it hurt. But like this?

Rika dying is one thing, it’s awful by itself.

But it’s the uncertainty that won’t let him go, the feeling of there not being anything he can do that makes him feel so utterly helpless.

He should’ve tried harder when she was alive, been nicer to her.

He should’ve never left her alone, and checked on her more often.

He should’ve noticed she wasn’t alright!

If only he’d known he could’ve helped her, but nobody knew, nobody except V apparently.

And V never told them, and he still didn’t speak.

No matter what happened, whether V is directly responsible for his cousin’s disappearance or not, there is definitely no denying that he could’ve prevented it.

He could’ve at least tried to do something.

But he didn’t.

He never reached out, he never let anyone know she was in trouble.

And now she’s gone.

Maybe he’s always been completely helpless, but V was not.

V just chose not to help.

And honestly?

How could he ever forgive him for that?


	16. Insecurity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Jaehee

What does she want to do?

She's never been asked.

Not like anybody had ever wanted to know her opinions, her feelings. There was never a question.

She wasn't given a choice. She was given a task.

Get an education.

Get a good job.

Make money.

And that was all there ever was.

Who cares if she's happy, what does it matter how she feels about it? After all the money her family spent on college, she owes them.

She can't quit her job, she'd let her uncle down.

Worse, she'd let down her parents. Surely they'd be disappointed.

Besides, what else is there for her to do?

What if she did quit her job, leave those endless hours of overtime as well as the cat far behind?

Then what?

She'd just need to find a new job, and who knows what that would turn out like.

At least with Mr. Han, she knows where she stands.

And while he nearly works her to death, he respects her.

And he pays well.

Where else would she go anyway? She doesn't have a dream.

Doesn't have that one special job she's always wanted.

It never mattered what she became, as long as she made money.

And, well, she does.

So...

What else matters?

If she left, and things went wrong, she'd be jobless, soon homeless, and her family would definitely never take her back in.

Too many things could go wrong.

In the end she'd have to come crawling back to C&R and beg for her job back, and who knows if she wouldn't have been long replaced by then.

What does she want to do?

She doesn't have the luxury of even thinking about that.

Dreaming doesn't earn money after all.

She can't dream, she's got work to do.

Besides, what else is there?

What does she want to do?

What can she do?

For now?

Survive.


	17. Personal Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: V
> 
> Just some good ol' V blaming himself for literally everything
> 
> If you think about it, it technically really is his fault though? He never did anything bad on purpose but he did still cause it
> 
> He's precious though he didn't mean to and he deserves all the hugs
> 
> Anyway, this is intended to be during Another Story/V's route, after V, Seven, Vanderwood and MC yeet their asses outta Mint Eye and into that convenient little shack nobody ever seems to find in any route
> 
> Trigger Warning: Just angst in general, at this point you should be expecting it lmao

So she told him not to blame himself for everything that happened.

To not find fault within himself for how things turned out to be.

But...

How could he not?

Oh, he knows why she said that. She doesn't want him to feel bad.

A pure, kind soul like her, she doesn't want him to suffer.

She wouldn't want anyone to suffer, she's too good.

But she's lying, although she cannot be blamed, for her lies are with the best intent.

She's lying.

Who else could be blamed, if not him?

It is his fault.

All of it, and he knows.

Bless her, she doesn't hold it against him. He didn't mean to, and she knows.

She has forgiven him without question.

Because, that much is true, he never meant for any of this to be.

Yet, it remains that he did cause it, him and no one else.

And he can never make it undone, no matter what he tries.

Those two boys, how much they've suffered.

Yes, certainly, they would not have had much better lives had he never met them.

But he should have never let them be separated.

No, what had he been thinking?

Cutting them off from the only love they'd ever had.

Exposing them fully to the cruelty of the world, and instead of guiding them, he'd left.

Left them to their own devices.

Let one of them be exploited, live at gunpoint all his life.

Let the other go through the hell he'd helped create, and never even know.

He'd never bothered to know.

Never suspected it until it had been way, way too late.

And even when he'd found him, he hadn't saved him, no. Never called for help.

He'd pretended to everyone that he was just fine, and looked the other way.

He let it happen.

So how, in god's name, is he not to blame?

Because he did not make the wounds himself?

No, he did not hold the knife, but he watched it all be done and he did not raise a hand, did not even try.

He's doomed those twins, doomed them both from the day he first met the child at church.

Back then, he'd thought he was helping.

But what kind of help had that been?

Rika had been right all along, in a way. There was a devil in them all.

And he was the worst, he was the devil himself, only he looked nothing like it.

But everything he touched upon would crumble between his fingers, everything he merely dared to glance at would burn.

She'd been right to blind his eyes.

He should've never left his house after she did.

He should've never left his house at all, should've never met her.

She said she was the devil, but he was the one who awakened it within her, he was the one who enabled her.

The idea of Mint Eye, she never would've needed it if it hadn't been for him.

She never would've thought to create such a horrible place, had he not pushed his ideals on her.

He'd drowned her.

And she'd told him to stop, yet he'd continued.

And Rika, Rika is the one truly not to blame. Because she's had no other choice.

She's sick, but she knew.

She'd warned him.

He didn't listen.

All of this, he created it.

And the worst of all, the worst is nobody can tell.

Nobody blames him.

They all think of him highly, put him on that glorified pedestal he deserves least of them all.

They should hate him.

They should want him dead.

Even Yoosung, who has never held back his disapproval, even he refuses to truly loathe him the way that he should.

Oh, he should've just died, and then none of this would've happened.

They'd all be living good lives, completely different of course, but content.

Even the small things, like convincing Jumin to hire Jaehee as his assistant when he'd been intent to turn her down, even that had been a mistake.

Does she know he's the one who made her work like that?

He never should've had a friend.

He never should've even been born.

If he'd never existed, Jaehee would have another job, and Jumin another assistant.

Yoosung would have his cousin and would still be going to his classes, and Rika would be so happy.

The twins would be together, and surely they'd have found another way out on their own - they'd always been so smart, until he'd ruined them.

His own mother even, she'd still be alive.

She only died because he hadn't been strong enough to save himself.

If only she'd left him.

The world would be better off.

And now, still, the girl tries to convince him that he's not to blame for any of this, that it has happened by itself somehow.

She's such a sweet angel, and maybe she just shouldn't find out the truth.

No, it'd destroy her.

For some reason she too seems to like him, though she deserves so much better.

An angel like her, she shouldn't even look at him.

He might ruin her. 

But even that, he's already done. It's too late.

The things she's seen, she will never unsee.

She'll never forget that place.

Maybe he should go back.

Go back to Rika, let her do as she pleases. At least that way she'd leave everyone else alone.

But that would mean giving up.

And he cannot give up. He cannot abandon everyone.

Not again.

No, this is all his fault, and he should be long dead, but he is not.

He is alive.

And if there's one thing he can do, he can try to make things right.

After all, it remains that none of this was ever intended.

He's only ever wanted the best.

And god, if he has to live the rest of his life in torture, so be it, but he will not die before he's set things right.

He's the one who caused this.

But he's also the one who can fix it.

He's always been, really.

Only it's time he really tried.

Because he's made enough victims, far, far too many.

But this girl?

Not her.

He'll go to hell and back before he adds her to the list.

Even if he's failed everyone else, she trusts him.

And there's something about her, something special he can't name, that makes him determined not to break that.


	18. Grievous Injury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: V
> 
> Spoilers ahead for secret endings, a certain scene from V's POV
> 
> TW: Death

He feels the pain, yet somehow he doesn't.

He feels it.

But it doesn't feel real.

Shock, that's what it is. He's never experienced it, but he's heard of it often enough.

The pain is there, but it's not his focus.

Still, it's there enough for him to know that this is severe.

He's lying on the floor, a red puddle steadily forming, and it baffles him to think that the blood there is his.

It's pouring from his wound and there's no way he can stop it.

And all the voices around him fade into one, dull sound, no words he can make out, just background noise.

So this is it.

This is the end, then.

He has to admit, it's not too far from what he's imagined. And he's been ready to die that day, although he'd thought it'd be Rika that killed him.

After all, if that was her wish, he'd not have denied her.

But Rika is by his side, and she does not want him to go, so leaving her behind just like this is what hurts him the most.

Leaving them all behind, really. He was far from done.

But this is what he deserves, he supposes. And they'll figure things out without him too.

And Rika will be fine. Wherever he ends up now, he'll watch over her.

It's strange.

He's shot, bleeding out, and he doesn't quite want to die yet, but he accepts it.

He's not scared. If this is what fate decided, so be it.

And it's not the child's fault.

It's his own fault, in a way, he's been the one to place the gun in his hand.

He did this, and these are the consequences.

And now he'll die.

Down on the cold floor, covered in blood, shot by the one he was supposed to care for.

Died like he lived.

A failure.

But even to his last words, his last breath, his thoughts were for her, not himself.

Even his last seconds, he found himself caring for his family.

Because it doesn't matter what happens to him, it never has, even if he dies.

They're what's important.

Always been.

He doesn't care that he has to die, he deserves a death like this.

But he'd have died a million times to save them.

And knowing he can't, and never will, that's the last thought he has before he's overtaken by black.


	19. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Ray

"A flower gained from the other's sacrifice."

Yes, perhaps that's right.

No matter what he did, he could not make them both grow.

No, the bigger stalk would keep taking from the smaller. Would keep destroying it, just for being weak.

Now that the weaker one is the only one left, it is not weak nor strong anymore.

It is simply the only one.

And he can't wait for the day it will bloom, because it will prove to him that he too can do that, no matter how much everyone tries to keep him down.

He too can bloom. He can be happy.

And yes, it will be a flower gained from sacrifice. But it would have been either way.

Had he not cut the bigger stalk, he would've sacrificed the other. It would not have survived.

He's tried everything. This was the only way.

One of them had to sacrifice, and he'd simply made a choice.

Because why should the bigger be more important?

Because it was there first?

Because it's stronger?

What has the smaller stalk done wrong to deserve its fate?

The answer is nothing. It's done nothing wrong.

And yet it's been exploited and trampled upon from the day it came to exist.

And all he's done was to decide;

Enough.

Why does he have to be the one to suffer?

Why does he have to stay tied up in his room while Saeyoung gets to go to church?

He's never done anything wrong.

And he deserves life just as much as his brother.

If only one of them can be saved, be alive?

It's cruel that it's been determined from the start, that he's never even had a chance.

That flower of his wil blossom.

Because he will not give up on it.

And with it, he will go stronger and stronger, with every passing day.

And then Saeyoung will be the weaker one.

And he'll be in control.


	20. Survivor's Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeran
> 
> Post secret endings, Saeran's POV after /certain events/
> 
> Trigger warning: Self harm and suicidal thoughts, this is angst month don't try me

He's alive.

Every breath reminds him of that, every sting of pain an avid reminder that he remains in this world.

Alive.

He's safe, even. At least so he's told.

Saeyoung tells him many things.

He's alive, he is safe.

He's loved.

Though it'll take him a while to believe that. People don't change overnight.

Except apparetly they did, and he's supposed to just accept it.

Whether he likes it or not.

Because he's alive.

Why is he alive?

It's not like he wants to be. Ever wanted to be.

If it weren't for Saeyoung, he wouldn't be.

Once again, his brother is holding him back. But it's different this time.

At least it's supposed to be different. Doesn't really feel like it is.

Why did he survive?

He should've died on that horrible day.

But no, he didn't. He survived, he got out.

And the funeral held shortly after, it wasn't for him.

It should've been.

He should've just killed himself instead of taking an innocent man's life.

Was he really innocent? Who knows for sure. Not like they can ask him now, he's made sure of that.

But he wasn't what he'd thought.

He'd been trying to help.

Until he'd shot him.

It had all happened so fast, he'd barely even had time to react at all but by then he'd already been gone.

One shot was all it had taken.

One pull of the trigger.

It had been so easy, far too easy. Why were people so easy to kill?

He hadn't meant to.

Maybe he had in that moment, but he hadn't intended for him to really die.

He'd just wanted him to shut up.

Wanted them all to shut up.

They'd been too loud and it had hurt.

But then, just like that, he'd died.

He can't even remember the details. But he knows the man is dead.

And it's his fault.

He should've just killed himself.

Aimed the gun at his own head instead.

It'd have been over so fast, nobody would've stopped him. And all the pain would be over.

He wouldn't have to go through this.

None of them would.

They'd all be alive, they'd just keep on living like before.

And he'd be somewhere quiet.

Now it's too late, because Saeyoung would never let him.

Because he's alive, and somehow he's supposed to be thankful for that.

Because life is a gift, apparently.

Unfortunately it didn't come with a receipt.

So he's stuck now.

Stuck being alive.

Though it reminds him of that day, he still feels a strange sense of calm watching the blood run down his arm, red droplets forming at his fingertips.

At least that he can do.

He deserves to bleed, to feel the pain. And getting what he deserves makes it just a little more bearable.

For a moment at least.

Even if years will pass, if god knows what will happen, his past will never change.

He'll always remain a murderer, no matter what Saeyoung says.

And he'll always remain with the memories, blurry as they may be.

In his dreams, they're clear as day.

In his dreams they're the worst.

He could rest if he were dead.

But even rest is far too good for him.


	21. Reminiscence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Jumin
> 
> Thinking about his best friend

Do you remember that day we first met?

Of course you do. Neither of us would forget.

You asked me to be your friend, something no one had asked me before.

People wanted to be my friends, of course.

But none as sincerely as you.

You never asked for a thing from me in exchange for your time, all those years, you were just there.

Unconditionally.

Just like I was for you.

Or as I should've been.

I should've seen you were in something way over your head.

No, I saw it.

I should've done something.

As much as I trusted you, still trust you, I should've known you were not telling enough.

You've always had secrets, I've always respected them.

But just this once I should've pried.

Do you think if I'd tried, you'd have told me?

And if you'd told me, would things be any different?

It's no use pondering over things that have passed, yet I cannot help myself.

Could I have saved you if I'd known?

We would've found a way, I'm sure of that.

But you wouldn't have wanted it.

No, you chose this.

In a way, this is what you wanted, is it not?

You've always been so ready to sacrifice yourself.

Even if I'd known, you would've never let me interfere. It just went against your nature.

I doubt you wanted to die. But I also believe you are content with it.

You chose this.

Still, something inside me can't accept your decision.

I've always let you do what you felt was right, even if I disagreed. But this time I wish I had not.

I wish I had just forced you to do things differently.

I do not wish to force you, I do not like crossing you at all.

But if I had, you'd be alive.

You'd be right here, and you'd be hearing my words.

And I'm sure after a while you'd have forgiven me.

It doesn't matter anymore.

I didn't try, and now you're gone.

You're to blame, but I can't blame you.

You were the only true friend I've ever had, the only person in my life I could wholly trust.

Everyone else has merely tried to use me, betrayed the small amount of trust I put into them, but you were always real.

You were always there.

Well...

I suppose I should've known.

Jihyun, I will never forget our friendship.

I will take care of everything you left behind, I know you'd have done the same for me.

I do not approve of your decision, but I have no choice but to accept it now.

Truly, I hope you find your peace.


	22. Eye for an Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Secret Endings, Saeran's POV
> 
> Honestly the darkest part is that this is semi-canon
> 
> Big ass trigger warning: suicide/implied character death
> 
> I'm serious proceed at your own risk
> 
> 217 inc. takes no responsibility for any trauma received past this point

Finally, he's alone, finally Saeyoung has left him be for a bit.

He hasn't left his side for days.

Saeran had been plotting the whole time, he'd thought of everything, and he'd just been waiting.

And now, finally, a chance.

What use does he have in this world?

The Mint Eye, the only place to ever accept him, it's gone.

Not only gone, but it was nothing but a lie.

His savior lied to him the entire time.

And really, he should've known.

He should've expected it.

As if she'd ever really loved him. Nobody could.

Not him.

He was never born to be loved.

And now Saeyoung is with him, and won't let him go, no matter how he tries.

Saeyoung forces him to continue to suffer, even though he is now finally strong enough to end it.

It's strangely ironic.

That Saeyoung of all people wants him to stay.

He told him once, a few days ago.

Told him not to leave him.

That was the moment he'd grown even more sure he would do it.

Part of him wants to die simply because he has no reason to stay alive, nothing keeping him in a world filled with only pain.

He also wants to do it just to hurt Saeyoung.

Hurt him by leaving, just like he did to him.

Maybe then he'd understand what he'd done.

Understand what it felt like to lose his only brother.

All those years Saeran had been longing for revenge, and now it's finally within his grasp.

And when Saeyoung will come back, he'll be gone.

Maybe heaven.

Maybe hell.

Though he's been in hell all along, so it doesn't matter.

At least it'll be over.

The weight of the knife is a comfort in his hand, it feels real, far more real than anything else.

He's managed to sneak it away when Saeyoung wasn't looking. His brother isn't the only one skilled.

The cool tip of the blade touching his skin sends a shiver down his spine; the sharp metal reminding him again how very real this is.

But the pain doesn't make him shy away.

He's been in pain much worse.

Any wound on his body is nothing compared to the suffering in his mind.

And the pain drowns out his thoughts.

Finally, he can end it.

He can let go of the life he was never meant to have.

And when Saeyoung returns, he'll be long gone.

He'll be somewhere happy.

And his brother will know what it was like.

His brother will get just what he deserves.


	23. Weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Ray

_Weak._

The word echoes in his mind, over and over, like a broken record never willing to end.

_Weak. Weak. Weak!_

Why did he have to be born that way?

Why couldn't he be born strong, like Saeyoung?

He could be free now.

He could've been the one to run away instead.

But no, he had to be saved.

_Weak._

If it weren't for his savior, he'd have died in that house.

Would have died with his mother.

And no one would've ever known.

Not a soul on earth would've mourned for him.

And now that he has been taken into the Mint Eye, he can be useful.

He has a chance to prove his worth, to work.

_Still, he remains weak._

His body won't let him do as he wants.

It constantly needs to eat, to sleep. So many times he's passed out on his keyboard.

His savior has never scolded him, but she pitied him instead.

Her pity feels worse than any punishment.

_He doesn't want to be weak._

The other side of him is strong. Even he was shocked at how strong he was when he first took him over.

But as every tiny bit of strength he'd had hidden somewhere formed Saeran, it left Ray made up of nothing bit faults.

_Unbearably weak._

He can't even look at himself in the mirror, hates seeing his face too much.

Can't properly shower because it forces him to set eyes on his body.

He even looks weak, with his bony arms and the ribcage showing through his skin like that.

He looks like he'd break right in half.

And as much as he works, he's never finished.

Something always comes up.

He always makes some sort of mistake.

_Too weak._

Why his savior decided to keep him alive will forever be a mystery to him.

What could she have possibly have seen in him back when he'd been a child?

Where was that potential she'd spoken of?

Or is it Saeran she has meant?

Of course, he knows she loves Saeran more.

She created him.

He's her favorite.

And though she may put up with him too, it's no secret she wishes for the stronger one to return.

But he can't blame her.

Why would she want Ray, if she could have Saeran?

Why would anybody want Ray?

He's nothing but a useless airhead, good-for-nothing; doesn't deserve to even breathe.

_He's weak._

He was born that way.

He was never meant to be wanted, to be loved.

Those things are not for him.

Still, if only he could find a way to be strong for once.

Only once.

Not that he could, not in reality.

But he'd like to know what it feels like to matter.


	24. Refuse to Fight Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Saeyoung and Saeran
> 
> Based on that one time Saeran almost choked Saeyoung to death in the Secret Endings

He can't breathe.

His last reserves of oxygen quickly leave his lungs, and he knows he only has seconds left.

He knows, because he's been in this situation before, often enough.

Soon he'll lose consciousness, if the pressure around his neck remains.

But he's experienced this often enough.

Yet he's alive.

He's been trained for this, after all. Getting into a chokehold is, sadly, not too uncommon in his line of work.

And getting out isn't as hard as it may look, at least for him.

He knows how to get out.

Still, he doesn't.

He doesn't even attempt it, he just remains standing there, waiting for his body to shut down.

Because as an agent, he always had a reason to stay alive.

He needed to live, to protect Saeran.

But this time it is Saeran himself who has his hands firmly gripped around his neck.

And as a brother, he has no reason he can see.

If Saeran truly wants him dead, he can kill him.

If he's failed him to this extent, he deserves to die.

And he'd much rather die at Saeran's hand than anybody else's, at least.

Of course, he still hopes that he won't truly go through with it, that he'll release him in the last moment.

That he didn't mean to kill him, only punish.

But it's up to Saeran, not himself.

He'll willingly put his life into his hands, quite literally, if only that will make him believe him.

Believe him that he's never wanted to leave.

Never wanted to hurt him.

That if he'd known the truth, he'd have gone back immediately.

Yes, he knows how to get out of a chokehold.

It was one of his very first lessons at the agency.

But if this is Saeran's will, so be it.

He's his brother.

His other half.

He'd rather die than fight him, even in defense.


	25. Isolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Rika

There's a strange sense of tranquility in being alone.

Why do so many people fear isolation?

There's so much beauty in it.

The Magenta stands isolated itself, far away from any other place, and that is just how she wants it.

As far away as possible from the outside world.

How else would she protect her Believers from it?

They all live in isolation, yet none of them will ever be lonely.

She is there for them, she gives them her everlasting love.

Keeps them safe.

This is what they all want, what they need.

They've come to her for refuge.

And she grants it.

The outside has been cruel to them all, and the isolation of the Mint Eye, it is pure salvation to them.

The world's rules don't apply here.

Hidden deep inside a forest, standing on a mountain, it is rare anybody ever stumbles upon the building.

Only the lost souls wander this far. And the lost souls are welcome to stay.

Isolation is safety.

It's secure.

Nobody will judge you if there is nobody around to judge, and nobody will scold you for not being like them.

One does not have to be like them here.

Because here, there is no "them".

There's only you.

Only us.

Everyone in the Magenta is the same, and so, to her, it is the least lonesome place in the world.

It is the place where she can be herself.

Where she is accepted, and loved.

Where she doesn't have to change.

She picked a place so isolated from the world with all of this in mind, it was a conscious decision.

This is how she wants it.

How she loves it.

There are no other people around, only those in pain.

And the only one who can save them is her.

After all...

If not her, then who?

There is nobody else here.


	26. Separated by War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeyoung / MC

You ruined both our lives, the moment you stepped into mine.

It all went downhill, the moment I allowed you to.

I let down my guard, only for a minute.

And it was a minute too long.

You ruined our lives, because the moment you stepped into mine, I fell for you.

And I know, I can tell, that you fell for me too.

Why do you have to be so naïve?

Why me, of all people?

Don't you know better?

You could've chosen anyone else, why did it have to be me? I'm the one you can't be with!

If it were only me falling for you, I could ignore it.

But having to hurt you is what really makes this hard.

I don't want to hurt you!

If only we could be together, like a normal couple, I'd give anything for that. For you.

But that's not an option.

I don't want you to get hurt.

And that's why I need to hurt you.

Don't say I didn't warn you. I told you this would happen if you fell for me.

I wasn't joking that time.

I know I should've been more serious, but I didn't think I needed to be.

This is one thing I could've never seen coming.

And now here you are, right next to me, barely a whisper away...

You don't realize how far apart we are.

Right now, you are further from me than the stars.

If I were to reach out I could hold your hand, yet you're more unreachable than anything in my life has ever been.

We can't be together.

Not ever.

Unless, of course, you want to die - because that's what will happen.

I won't always be able to protect you, as much as I wish I could.

So please, for both our sakes, just leave!

Don't make this harder than it needs to be.

You're so close to me that I can feel your hair on my shoulder, so near that I can barely think anymore.

But at the same time, we are miles apart, two entire worlds between us.

You don't understand, you're too sweet to comprehend my life.

But I live a constant battle, my existence nothing but a merciless war, and I am not going to allow you into it.

I'm not allowing anyone else to get destroyed.

Not again.


	27. Losing a Loved One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hmm who dies OH RIKA
> 
> Why hurt one character if I can hurt them all lmao
> 
> Warning for character death (you don't say lol)

And one day, without warning, she was just gone.

Nobody had seen it coming.

None of them would’ve ever dreamed of this happening.

Not her.

Not like that.

And on the day of Yoosung’s graduation no less. Why that day?

Hadn’t she loved him so much? Why do this to him on his special day?

Surely she’d known what it’d do to him.

Rika was gone, without a doubt; she was gone and she was not coming back.

But the questions in everyone’s minds remained.

Where was she?

V said he’d watched her jump, saw the ocean carry her away, but no body was ever found.

Of course it might’ve just been taken by the sea. But still, it felt surreal.

None of them would’ve ever suspected her to even contemplate such a thing.

She’d always seemed so… bright.

She’d always seemed happy.

And if she hadn’t been happy, why hadn’t she asked for help?

They all would’ve helped her.

None of them would’ve hesitated even a second.

They’d loved her.

Every single one of them had loved her more than anything, undoubtedly.

Yet, as if out of nowhere, she’d left them.

Just like that.

Left them behind, leaving nothing but a trace of herself, and the knowledge that nothing would ever be the same.

Something was wrong, terribly wrong with this entire picture.

But eventually, one by one, they wrote their doubts off as denial.

And came to accept that Rika was dead.


	28. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unknown is still secretly soft you can't change my mind

She’s coming.

Her steps are shaking the walls, each one louder than the last.

They’re slow, excruciatingly slow, but that only makes it worse.

It won’t be over quick.

It’s early morning, she hasn’t slept, hasn’t been home all night.

They know she’s drunk again, she always is. Especially in the morning.

She’s drunk, and tired, and definitely in a bad mood.

And they’re locked in, have been locked in for hours, with no escape.

Maybe Saeyoung could run, could slip out the window, but Saeran has been tied up, and they can’t undo the knot.

He can't run.

Can't even move.

She's closing in, right outside the door, he can smell her before he can see her.

The stench of alcohol fills the air, robs him of his ability to breathe, but he can't cough, she'll kill him.

He can't make a sound.

He couldn't if he tried; only his leg is tied, but it feels like his entire body is frozen.

He can't move.

All he can do is stare at the handle of the door as it turns slowly, so slowly.

And feel Saeyoung right next to him, protecting him with his presence.

Saeyoung will save him.

He won't let mother hurt him.

Finding himself able to turn his head, he moves his eyes towards his brother, longing to hide himself in his embrace until it's all over.

It'll all be okay as long as they have each other.

It has to be.

He promised.

But the moment he moves, the warmth vanishes.

There's nobody next to him.

When their mother enters the shabby room, Saeyoung slips away, escapes on his own.

He can't take Saeran. He's a burden.

He'd only slow him down.

And he's gone.

Saeyoung left, because Saeran is weak.

And his mother hates him, because he's weak.

And she screams at him, hits him, tosses him around, and still he can't move.

He can't even feel the pain.

All he can think of is Saeyoung, his brother who left him to suffer, to be abused.

Eventually she picks him up, tosses him out the window, shattering the glass.

And he falls, falls for so long, much longer than he should.

Sees the ground approaching and he can't close his eyes.

Then he wakes up.

He wakes up shaking, tears running down his face.

Even in his sleep he's weak.

Even years after he's left her, after she died, his mother still haunts him.

And Saeyoung is still gone.

He's weak.

He wants nothing more that to hide himself in someone's embrace, to be safe.

But nobody is there.

Nobody wants him.

They all will leave.

So instead he gets up, shakes it off, and he goes back to work.

Nobody will know he cried.

Nobody will ever see him weak again.

Because he needs to be strong.

Only the strong can survive.


	29. 2-Faced Inner Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character: Saeran
> 
> Who else was I gonna choose for this prompt I mean seriously-

He curses under his breath as the code he’s spent the past hours working on breaks apart right in front of his eyes.

He messed up again.

Not that he’ll /lose/, he refuses to do that, but he’s going to have to postpone his sleep now to fix this.

Again.

Why does he keep making mistakes? He’s good at this!

Ray never made mistakes.

There is no way that airhead is better than him.

No, it’s her fault.

Of course it’s her fault!

How the hell is he supposed to concentrate if she won’t leave his head?

She’ll pay for this.

She’ll pay for making him mess up!

He rushes to her room, pushing people out of the way just because he can, until he barges into her room, not bothering to knock.

And she dares to just sit there, not prepared for him at all.

Pathetic.

Why does he still keep her around?

She’s useless, nothing but a waste.

And that stupid look on her face, as if she actually cared for him.

Hah!

He knows better than that. Nobody cares for him, nobody ever will.

Unlike Ray, he accepts it.

He doesn’t /need/ it.

But maybe he’ll feel better once he washes that expression off of her.

Once she finally learns that she can’t look him in the eyes unless he tells her to!

He doesn’t want to stare into those horrendous eyes of hers. It’ll ruin his entire day, along with her horrible smell.

Only thinking about all the things he wants to do to her makes him feel a bit better.

All the little things he’ll do…

Push her down.

Starve her.

Make her cry.

Hold her.

What?!

His grip on her arm tightens as soon as the unwanted thought crosses his mind, fingers pushing so hard they’ll most certainly leave marks.

That wasn’t him.

Go and die.

There’s no way he’ll ever let Ray gain control. How he even managed to wake up is beyond him.

What did she do to him now?!

He owns this body.

It belongs to him.

Ray is nothing but a pest, a parasite!

But she wants him so bad…

It’s not him she likes, it’s Ray.

But she’s too dumb to tell the difference.

Would she let him kiss her like she did with Ray?

Not that he’ll give her a choice.

She doesn’t deserve to make choices of her own.

He’ll make her kiss him out of spite, just to prove that she’s his, and he can do to her whatever he pleases.

His toy.

Nothing more but a worthless toy.

Why does he want to kiss her?

No, he doesn't.

That's what Ray wants.

But Ray would hate him for doing it!

It'd hurt Ray, and it'd hurt her too.

And he can do it.

He's strong, and he can do anything he wants to do.

He's in control.

He's in control of everything.

Of his work.

Of his toy.

Of his body!

There's no way he'll let some useless marshmallow win against him, not in his dreams!

This is /his/.

His alone.

And he can be as cruel as he wants, because that girl deserves it, she deserves to be punished just for being born!

She can't hurt him if he hurts her first.

Like she'd ever be able to hurt him!

He owns her.

And he can throw her away just as easy.

He /will/ throw her away!

But...

If he did, he wouldn't have her anymore.

And he'd have to find someone else to play with.

It's annoying. He doesn't have time for that.

As much as she disgusts him, he still keeps going back to that infuriatingly fancy room.

Just to see the desperate look on her hideous face.

Just to let out his anger at her, however much he pleases.

Just to make sure she's still there.

He could just get rid of her.

But didn't she say she'd stay?

Maybe he should let her live a little longer...

At least for a while.

Until she stops being in his head.

Until both her and Ray finally leave him alone.

Until he's won.


	30. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is inspired by the reality that a lot of people are leaving the fandom recently.
> 
> To everyone leaving, this one's for you

So many options, and you can only choose one.

And the thing is, you have to face it...

In the end, it won't be one of them.

Maybe for a while.

Maybe even for a few years.

But none of them will be your forever.

Because the day will come when you meet someone else, someone from your own world. And you'll stay in yours, and they'll remain in theirs.

You can't save them forever.

You can't save them at all.

Sooner or later you'll have to reset, delete all their memories, and it'll be as if you'd never existed in their lives.

But you'll remember.

And you'll never know if they'll be saved without you, you'll never find out what their future will bring.

Will Yoosung forever be stuck with depression, falling into a dark pit if you're not there to pull him out?

Will Zen lose his career, or even be forced to date someone he despises just to save it, and would he even do that?

Jaehee might forever work her job in her own personal hell, until she physically can't do it anymore, and Jumin will be lost completely.

The brothers... don't even imagine it, it's better that way.

They all will suffer, and you can't save them.

And maybe now you care, but the day will come when you'll stop.

You'll forget all about them, move on with your life, leave them to their fate without spending a single thought on them.

They won't remember you existed, and you'll be too busy to recall.

But somewhere, deep down, they'll be missing your traces, as if a part of them still knew you, longing for the one they've never had.

Like a long lost dream, a dêja vu.

They'll never be complete.

You won't care though. Soon you'll find somebody else to save.

Maybe someone you can touch.

Someone better.

As much as you might've loved them once, none of them was the right choice for you, because none of them is quite real enough for you to keep.

So you'll delete.

Abandon them, and soon you won't feel bad.

They'll be waiting for you forever, even though you'll never come back.

But that's okay.

We all knew from the start that it wouldn't be forever.

At some point, everybody has to say goodbye.


End file.
